Five Killer Halloween Costume Ideas for Lit Lovers

It happened again—you spent so much of the past eleven months with your face in books, you forgot to plan your Halloween costume. Fear not, I’m here to help.

Rather than waste your time with a bunch of cheesy puns about how you don’t stand a ghost of a chance of pulling off a wicked-cool costume this late in the game, I’ve decided to instead provide you with some dress-up ideas that are so novel, it’s scary.

Don’t let another failed Halloween haunt you for the remainder of your days. Just read on and choose one of the following costumes guaranteed to make you a dead-ringer for the character in question, and the life of any party you’re dying to attend.   

Gregor Samsa from The Metamorphosis (by Franz Kafka). Going as Gregor Samsa for Halloween is a great attention-getter, but only if you know the book and didn’t just design your costume after quickly skimming the character description provided online by SparkNotes. After all, nobody will be impressed if you show up as a traveling salesman instead of a giant, hideous cockroach. They’ll just think you’re Willy Loman, and yawn.

To get Gregor Samsa right, just visit any fast-food dining establishment and collect one of the many insect carcasses you’ll find, then model your costume around it. You’ll need some cardboard, a toy plastic shield spray-painted brown, a baseball catcher’s chest-protector, brown pants/shirt/shoes, black pipe cleaners, and a strong stomach.

To make sure people know you’re Gregor Samsa and not just a giant disgusting bug, it’s a good idea to carry a briefcase, as well as to lecture everyone on the grotesque absurdity of existence and how modern society has stripped us of our humanity. Do this before you hand any candy out to them.  

Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (by Stieg Larsson). What better time than now—at the height of the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements—to dress up like a badass avenger of sexual predators. But if you do decide to be Lisbeth Salander, don’t do what so many Halloween Lisbeths have done in the past, which is portray her as a one-dimensional hyper-sexual S&M vamp. (Yes, I realize the risk of mansplaining this costume to women.) I don’t have a problem with women (or men) who opt to keep silly Halloween traditions alive by dressing up like a sexy nurse/librarian/teacher/police officer/maid/referee, but out of respect for what Lisbeth Salander has been through and what she’s out to achieve, if you’re going to portray her, do it right. Shoot for deadly, not slutty.

Here’s what you’ll need: A tattered black Henley or T-shirt; a pair of ripped/distressed black jeans (NOT leggings or yoga pants, damn it); black combat boots; a black leather motorcycle jacket; pink leather messenger bag (just kidding—BLACK); spike earrings and a giant spiked collar; a black wig long enough to cut/shape into a punk-goth pixie ‘do; clip-on studs for nose, lips and eyebrows; a black temporary dragon tattoo—large enough to run from shoulder-blade to waist.

If you want to be as badass as the REAL fictional Lisbeth, forgo the fake/temporary accessories and get an actual dragon tattoo and wild haircut, and put actual holes in your face. Bonus points for any real-life doctors, lawyers or kindergarten teachers who take on my challenge. (NOTE: If you don’t have the shirt, jeans or boots listed above and need to buy them new, make sure you run over them several times with a car when you get home to give them that tattered, scuffed look you’re going for. If you don’t have a car, ask your neighbor or an Uber driver to assist.)

Alex from A Clockwork Orange (by Anthony Burgess). Nothing says Halloween like an ultraviolent dystopian anarchist with an affinity for classical music and milk spiked with narcotics.

All you need to rock this costume are white pants, a white banded collar shirt, white suspenders, fake eyelashes and a cane, along with a black bowler hat and combat boots. Oh, and don’t forget the codpiece or athletic cup to protect your crotch. If you don’t already have all these items at home, then I honestly don’t see us ever being friends. 

Miss Havisham from Great Expectations (by Charles Dickens). An old woman who was jilted at the altar in her youth and wears her wedding dress for the rest of her life in a ruined mansion. ‘Nuff said. (For best results, go for creepy rather than sexy/slutty with this costume.) 

Annie Wilkes from Misery (by Stephen King). Like any other author or human being, I find Annie Wilkes terrifying. That said, I often fantasize about having a fan just like her—so obsessed by and devoted to my characters, she’d torture me until I mold my manuscript to her liking. Yes, I’m currently receiving professional help for this.

Pulling off a convincing Annie requires nothing more than a turtleneck, a plaid shirt and a denim dress, Oh, and a huge sledgehammer. Now, keep in mind that such clothes and weaponry may cause folks to mistake you for a run-of-the-mill public high school librarian. To avoid this, you can rent me at $150/hour to play the tortured author. The role is really no stretch for me at all.   

Have you ever dressed up as a favorite literary character? If so, which one? If not, what's wrong with you? Dish the details in the comments section below.

Oh, and one more thing: 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!